Michael Keaton

Let's get this out of the way: I do not have a crush on Michael Keaton. Okay, maybe I do, but it's just a small crush.

Keaton is the ultimate actor. I would put him up against any of the big guns.

Let me show you what I mean.

(NOTE: I have nothing against the following actors. I just need to use some real names to prove my point.)

Russell Crowe - I loved Russell in The Insider. Not so much in Gladiator. Keaton could've pulled off both of those characters without a hitch. Russell, on the other hand, would probably have a problem doing Mr. Mom or Beetle Juice.

Tom Hanks - Tom rocks! He can do romantic comedy (Sleepless in Seattle), drama (Philadelphia), comedy (Big) and even adventure (The Da Vinci Code). Keaton does romantic comedy (Speechless), drama (Clean & Sober), comedy (The Dream Team) and even adventure (Batman). The one thing that Hanks lacks is the Bad Guy. Even when he is a 'bad guy' (You've Got Mail, The Ladykillers) he's charming and likeable.

Keaton, on the other hand, was just plain evil in Pacific Heights and Desperate Measures.

Kevin Spacey - I love Kevin. He can sing (Beyond the Sea). He can do drama (American Beauty). He can do comedy (The Ref). He can be the bad guy (Se7en).

I don't know if Spacey could've pulled off Dogberry in Much Ado About Nothing like Keaton.

And while Keaton hasn't done any roles singing, I know he can. (One of his first roles was on Mary Tyler Moore's variety show with David Letterman. Dave will show clips from it everytime Keaton comes on his show.)

My point is, this is a guy that won the National Society of Film Critics Awards in 1989 for both Beetle Juice and Clean & Sober.

Now that's a range.

Other Reasons He Belongs in the Hall of Fame:


He was Batman!
He's a Steelers fan!
He has kissed Kim Basinger, Nicole Kidman and Michelle Pfeiffer!
He was on the Simpsons.



Reasons He Should Be Excluded:
Herbie: Fully Loaded (One of the only Keaton films I haven't seen)

Bond...James Bond

James Bond was first introduced to the world in Ian Fleming's 1952 novel, Casino Royale.

Since then, other authors have taken over the Bond universe and there have been a total of 20 movies released featuring Mr. Bond.

(NOTE: This post is about James Bond, not about the actors that played James Bond. We all know that Connery was the best, so let's leave it at that.)

Bond had it all.

Cars

• Aston Martin DB5
• 1937 Rolls Royce III
• Sunbeam Alpine
• Lotus Esprit
• 1962 Rolls Royce
• Aston Martin V8
• Ferrari Spider 355
• BMW Z3 Roadster
• BMW Z8
• Aston Martin V12 Vanquish
• Jaguar XKR
  

Gadgets & Weapons

• Grappling Hook Guns
• Homing Devices
• Seagull Snorkel Suit (which kept his tuxedo completely dry)
• Fake Fingerprints
• Walther PPK 7.65mm
• Wrist Dart Gun
• Cigarette Case Safe Cracker
• Mini Camera
• Electronic Shaver Bug Detector and Recorder
• Polarising Sunglasses
  

Women

• Ursula Andress
• Honor Blackman
• Diana Rigg
• Shirley Eaton
• Jill St. John
• Catherine Schell
• Lana Wood
• Jane Seymour
• Britt Ekland
• Barbara Bach
• Tanya Roberts
• Michelle Yeoh
• Teri Hatcher
• Denise Richards
• Sophie Marceau
• Famke Janssen
• Maud Adams
• Kim Basinger
• Barbara Carrera

Yep, Bond is the man!

Welcome to the Hall of Fame. How would you like your martini?

Homer Simpson

I was looking at the past inductees of the Hall of Fame and I was shocked that Homer wasn't in there yet. I mean, after all, I do take in consideration any person that has been on "The Simpsons," so it would only make sense to put the ultimate Simpson on the list.

As you probably all know, I don't watch a lot of TV. My TV watching is limited to Steelers football games and reruns of "Seinfeld" and "The Simpsons".

The reason I watch "The Simpsons" is because of Homer. Sure, there are other characters that I enjoy, but Homer is the reason I ever became a fan of the show. It was a nice change from the usual TV father that we saw in the 80's. Not saying that I have modeled my life after him, but it was nice to see a different dad that drank beer, belched, ate donuts, skipped work, spent his evenings at Moe's and tried to kill his boss.

A few of his accomplishments:

1. He was an astronaut.
2. His band, the B Sharps, won a Grammy.
3. He toured with Smashing Pumpkins, Cypress Hill & Peter Frampton.

Homer is also the ultimate soundbite. There are many websites dedicated to Homer Simpson quotes, but here are a few of my favorites:

• Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!
• Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!
• Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain-cells! Now lets go back to that...building...thingy... where our beds and TV...is.
• I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
• Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip
• Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream?
• Mmmm...Sacrelicious!
• If he is so smart, how come he is dead?
• If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

Welcome to the Hall of Fame, Homer.

Penn & Teller

In a career where people take themselves too seriously (David Copperfield, anyone?) it's good to see that some guys use a little comedy in their magic.

I am, of course, talking about Penn & Teller.

These are the guys that went of the Letterman show, and, after being mocked for doing a "rabbit in the hat" trick, poured hundreds of cockroaches onto Letterman's desk.

These are the guys that will be the first to tell you that magic is a scam. They will even show you how tricks are done. (I saw them on one of the morning shows do the "ball under the cup" trick and then they did it in slow motion, to show how it was done.)

These are the guys that were picked by Disney to introduce "The Sorceror's Apprentice" on Fantasia 2000.

These are the guys, that describe their show in Vegas as, "an edgy mix of comedy and magic involving knives, guns, fire, a gorilla and a showgirl."

How could you not like that?

Oh yeah, and they were in an episode of The Simpsons.

Yep, these guys definitely deserve Hall of Fame status.

Darth Vader

Think back to the first time you saw Darth Vader. Hopefully, it was Episode IV: A New Hope. The Empire had just overtaken Princess Leia's ship and before all the smoke could clear, in walked this heavy-breathing tall, dark stranger. (Is this a romantic movie or a sci-fi film?)

Just the presence of Darth was enough to make me fall in love with Star Wars. To me, he was the ultimate evil. That breathing was just creepy. That was until Lucas introduced us to the Emperor as the 'real' bad guy and then it turned out that Darth was just an formerly whiny kid that was now an old man in a costume.

But I digress.

Darth Vader was the bad guy we all wanted to be. He ruled the universe. He killed his own men if they didn't obey his orders. He had Stormtroopers. He had the coolest base ever made, until that whiny Luke had to go and blow it up.

Did I mention that he had a lightsaber?

Pete Rose

I feel sorry for my wife. Everytime Pete Rose has a chance to be on the Hall of Fame ballot, and doesn't make it, she has to hear a ranting and raving session about MLB commisioner, Bud Selig. You'd think, with a name like "Bud," he would be a cool guy, but he's not.


I will try to avoid any sort of rant here about the fact that Bud won't let Pete in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Instead, I will let Pete's MLB records paint the picture as to why he should be not just in my Guy Hall of Fame, but the MLB Hall of Fame:

• All-time Major League record for most career hits-4,256
• All-time Major League record for most games played-3,562
• All-time Major League record for most at bats-14,053
• All-time Major League record for most singles-3,315
• All-time Major League record for most total bases by a switch hitter-5,752
• All-time Major League record for most seasons of 200 or more hits-10
• All-time Major League record for most consecutive seasons of 100 or more hits-23
• All-time Major League record for most seasons with 600 or more at bats-17
• All-time Major League record for most seasons with 150 or more games played--17
• All-time Major League record for most seasons with 100 or more games played-23
• Only player in Major League history to play more than 500 games at five different Positions-1B (939) 2B (628) 3B (634) LF (671) RF (595)
• Major League record for playing in the most winning games-1,972
• All-time National League record for most years played-24
• All-time National League record for most consecutive years played-24
• All-time National League record for most career runs-2,165
• All-time National League record for most career doubles-746
• All-time National League record for most games with 5 or more hits-10
• Modern National League record for longest consecutive game hitting streak-44
• Modern National League Record for most consecutive game hitting streaks of 20 or more games--7

And yet, not even on the ballot for the Baseball Hall of Fame this year.

That's okay, I'm not afraid to put him in my Guy Hall of Fame.

Christopher Walken

As a general rule, most Stephen King novel-turned-movies are crap. Sure, there are some exceptions: Misery, Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, but for every one of those, there is a Lawnmower Man, Sleepwalkers and Children of the Corn 8.

The Dead Zone, however, was a better movie than it was a book. And the main reason for that was the guy who played Johnny Smith.

Fast-forward a few years.

Like most adolescent boys, I loved James Bond films. In 1985 A View to a Kill came out, and naturally, I went to see it. (mmmmmmmm...Tanya Roberts)

It was not all that great, as I recall, but I did like the guy who played Max Zorin. Hey wait a second, that's Johnny Smith from The Dead Zone.

I am, of course, talking about Christopher Walken.



Walken, plain and simple, rocks!

Reasons why he should be in the Hall of Fame:

1. He's been married to the same woman for 26 years. (A real feat in Hollywood.)
   
2. Batman Returns
3. The Deer Hunter (Oscar for best Supporting Actor)
   
4. Wayne's World 2
5. Pulp Fiction (with fellow Hall of Famer Bruce Willis)
   
6. Last Man Standing (ditto)
7. Headless Horseman in Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow.
8. Fatboy Slim's music video.
9. "Cowbell" sketch on SNL.

(I will overlook him being in the America's Sweethearts with Julia Roberts because it also had Catherine Zeta-Jones and future Hall of Famers John Cusack, Seth Green and Hank Azaria.)

Dan Marino

I'm a Steelers fan. I've always been a Steelers fan. I will die a Steelers fan. But I'm also a football fan, and with that, there comes a time in life where you have to sit back and say, "That guy is a great player, even though he wasn't a Steeler."

This is Dan Marino for me.

Dan grew up in Pittsburgh. He was and continues to be a Steelers fan. That right there is reason enough to make him a member of my Hall of Fame, but I'll give you some more reasons why he deserves to be in the Hall.

He played football and baseball in high school. He was selected to the Parade High School All America team. He was also drafted to play baseball with the Kansas City Royals in the fourth round of 1979. He decided to pass up his baseball career and play for the University of Pittsburgh.

In college he broke all kinds of NCAA records including season and career records for completions and touchdowns.

He was then drafted by the Miami Dolphins and that first season, became the first rookie QB to start in the Pro Bowl.

And that was only the beginning of his career. Here's a list of some of the NFL records still held by Dan:

Most Completions, Career: 4,967
Most Yards Passing, Career: 61,361
Most Touchdown Passes, Career: 420
Most Yards Gained, Season: 5,084 in 1984
Most Games, 400 or more Yards Passing, Career: 13
Most Games, 400 or more Yards Passing, Season: 4 in 1984
Most Games, 300 or more Yards Passing, Career: 60
Most Seasons, 3,000 or more Yards Passing: 13 (1984-92, 1994-95, 1997-98)
Most Consecutive Seasons, 3,000 or more Yards Passing: 9 (1984-92)
Most Games, Four or more Touchdown Passes, Career: 21
Most Games, Four or more Touchdown Passes, Season: 6 in 1984
Most Consecutive Games, Four or more Touchdown Passes: 4 in 1984
Most Seasons, 40 or more Touchdown Passes: 2 (1984, 1986)
Most Seasons, 20 or more Touchdown Passes: 13 (1983-92, 1994-95, 1998)
Most Consecutive Seasons, 20 or more Touchdown Passes: 10 (1983-92)

He's been married for 20 years and is the father of six kids - five natural, one adopted. For this reason, Marino was named the NFL's Man of the Year in 1999.

As if that weren't enough to make him a member of the Hall of Fame, he was also on a Simpsons episode where Homer intercepts one of his passes and Marino tells his goons, Bubba and Hacksaw, to "Get that moron!"



So this one is to you, Dan Marino. Welcome to yet another Hall of Fame.

Wile E. Coyote

I have always felt bad for Mr. Coyote. The poor guy lives out in the hot desert, walking around with bare feet, searching for a decent meal. For 56 years he's been doing this, day in & day out, while that pompous little Road Runner keeps "Beep! Beep!"-ing just to rub it in.

I mean, think about it. Imagine going to Carl's Jr. to get a Six Dollar Burger and just when you are about to eat it, it gives you a "Beep! Beep!" and runs through a tunnel that you painted on the side of a mountain only five minutes before.

For this reason, I have always wanted the Coyote to catch that "Beep!"-ing Road Runner. I think he deserves it.

Anyone who has ever watched the show should know why Wile E. Coyote belongs in the Hall of Fame, but I will give the reasons anyway:

1. He's a fanatic - Like most men, when Wile E. puts his mind to it, he will not give up on something. Guys do this in many aspects of life. Sports teams are a good example of this. Most guys will pick a team the second they are conceived, and they will stick with that team until they die. (Meanwhile, they have gone through three wives because they can't make any sort of long-term commitment.)

Driving around without directions is another example. They will drive for hours without asking somebody for directions. "I can find it on my own," you'll hear them say.

2. He uses cool gadgets - Wile E. Coyote has an array of tools and gadgets - all of which come from ACME - that he uses in his attempts to catch the stinkin' Road Runner. He's like the animal kingdom's James Bond.

3. He does his own stunts - He's been blown up multiple times. He's fallen off of many cliffs, no thanks to gravity. He's flown in jets and rockets. He has used rocket-powered roller skates.

Wile E. Coyote is truly a guy's guy....er, coyote.

Bruce Willis

Bruce Willis is the man! I remember the first time I saw him. I was thirteen at the time and there was this new TV show called "Moonlighting." David Addison was a private eye. He did things any thirteen-year-old boy would've wanted to do when he grew up. Not only that, but he had a hot co-worker. (Believe it or not, Cybill Shepherd once looked good. It was a long time before this.)

From that moment, I have been a Bruce Willis fan. I have seen almost everything he has ever starred in. Heck, I even have "The Return of Bruno" on cassette and CD.

Yep, I'm a huge fan of Bruce.

When he married the chick from One Crazy Summer (that's how I knew Demi Moore at the time) he made it easier for me to worship him.

Reasons he should be in the Hall of Fame:

1. Die Hard ("Yipee-ki-yay mother...")
2. Pulp Fiction ("Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.")
3. He was married to Demi Moore.
4. He was engaged to "Baywatch" babe Brooke Burns.

Reasons he shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame:

1. The Look Who's Talking movies.
2. He is good friends with Julia Roberts. (He was the only celebrity that attended her wedding.)

Johnny Cash

They called him "The Man in Black."

In 1997, Johnny Cash recorded his second album with Producer Rick Rubin. It was called Unchained, and it contained covers of Tom Petty, Soundgarden and Beck to name a few. Country radio stations around the country decided that they wouldn't play the music, thinking that Cash was a sell-out. Later that year, Cash won the Grammy for Best Country Album and the next day, he took out a full-page ad in Billboard Magazine with this picture, dedicated to the stations that wouldn't play him.

That, my friends, is Johnny Cash.

Reasons he should be in the Hall of Fame:

1. "I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die" has to be some of the coolest lyrics ever written.
2. He was the youngest person ever inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame.
3. He is one of the few acts that are in both the Country Music Hall of Fame and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
4. He has 130 hits on the Billboard Country Singles Charts. (He had at least two a year for 38 consecutive years.)
5. He has 48 Singles on the Billboard Hot 100 Pop Charts. (More than Michael Jackson!)
   
6. In 1969, he was selling an average of 250,00 albums per month. (More than the Beatles at the time.)
   
   

Reasons he shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame:

1. Bono idolizes him.
   

Steve McQueen

Steve McQueen was the "King of Cool." He was one of the few guys that both girls and guys liked. I mean, think about it in today's terms. Girls like Brad Pitt for his looks, but you don't hear a lot of guys raving about Troy.

On the other hand, Steve McQueen was idolized by most men and women at the time.

He starred in such guy classics as The Magnificent Seven, The Great Escape, Bullitt and Papillon, to name a few.

He was...and continues to be...the ultimate guy's guy.

Other reasons he should be in the Tayster Hall of Fame:

1. He served in the U.S. Marine Corps
2. He raced cars and motorcycles.
3. He did most of his own stunts.
4. He was a certified pilot.
5. He was trained in martial arts by Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris. In fact, Steve was a pallbearer at Bruce Lee's funeral.
6. 2005 Ford Mustang.
7. He was married to Ali MacGraw.
   

Reasons he shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame:

1. He was mentioned in an R.E.M. song. ("Electrolite")