Wile E. Coyote

I have always felt bad for Mr. Coyote. The poor guy lives out in the hot desert, walking around with bare feet, searching for a decent meal. For 56 years he's been doing this, day in & day out, while that pompous little Road Runner keeps "Beep! Beep!"-ing just to rub it in.

I mean, think about it. Imagine going to Carl's Jr. to get a Six Dollar Burger and just when you are about to eat it, it gives you a "Beep! Beep!" and runs through a tunnel that you painted on the side of a mountain only five minutes before.

For this reason, I have always wanted the Coyote to catch that "Beep!"-ing Road Runner. I think he deserves it.

Anyone who has ever watched the show should know why Wile E. Coyote belongs in the Hall of Fame, but I will give the reasons anyway:

1. He's a fanatic - Like most men, when Wile E. puts his mind to it, he will not give up on something. Guys do this in many aspects of life. Sports teams are a good example of this. Most guys will pick a team the second they are conceived, and they will stick with that team until they die. (Meanwhile, they have gone through three wives because they can't make any sort of long-term commitment.)

Driving around without directions is another example. They will drive for hours without asking somebody for directions. "I can find it on my own," you'll hear them say.

2. He uses cool gadgets - Wile E. Coyote has an array of tools and gadgets - all of which come from ACME - that he uses in his attempts to catch the stinkin' Road Runner. He's like the animal kingdom's James Bond.

3. He does his own stunts - He's been blown up multiple times. He's fallen off of many cliffs, no thanks to gravity. He's flown in jets and rockets. He has used rocket-powered roller skates.

Wile E. Coyote is truly a guy's guy....er, coyote.