Darth Vader

Think back to the first time you saw Darth Vader. Hopefully, it was Episode IV: A New Hope. The Empire had just overtaken Princess Leia's ship and before all the smoke could clear, in walked this heavy-breathing tall, dark stranger. (Is this a romantic movie or a sci-fi film?)

Just the presence of Darth was enough to make me fall in love with Star Wars. To me, he was the ultimate evil. That breathing was just creepy. That was until Lucas introduced us to the Emperor as the 'real' bad guy and then it turned out that Darth was just an formerly whiny kid that was now an old man in a costume.

But I digress.

Darth Vader was the bad guy we all wanted to be. He ruled the universe. He killed his own men if they didn't obey his orders. He had Stormtroopers. He had the coolest base ever made, until that whiny Luke had to go and blow it up.

Did I mention that he had a lightsaber?

Pete Rose

I feel sorry for my wife. Everytime Pete Rose has a chance to be on the Hall of Fame ballot, and doesn't make it, she has to hear a ranting and raving session about MLB commisioner, Bud Selig. You'd think, with a name like "Bud," he would be a cool guy, but he's not.


I will try to avoid any sort of rant here about the fact that Bud won't let Pete in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Instead, I will let Pete's MLB records paint the picture as to why he should be not just in my Guy Hall of Fame, but the MLB Hall of Fame:

• All-time Major League record for most career hits-4,256
• All-time Major League record for most games played-3,562
• All-time Major League record for most at bats-14,053
• All-time Major League record for most singles-3,315
• All-time Major League record for most total bases by a switch hitter-5,752
• All-time Major League record for most seasons of 200 or more hits-10
• All-time Major League record for most consecutive seasons of 100 or more hits-23
• All-time Major League record for most seasons with 600 or more at bats-17
• All-time Major League record for most seasons with 150 or more games played--17
• All-time Major League record for most seasons with 100 or more games played-23
• Only player in Major League history to play more than 500 games at five different Positions-1B (939) 2B (628) 3B (634) LF (671) RF (595)
• Major League record for playing in the most winning games-1,972
• All-time National League record for most years played-24
• All-time National League record for most consecutive years played-24
• All-time National League record for most career runs-2,165
• All-time National League record for most career doubles-746
• All-time National League record for most games with 5 or more hits-10
• Modern National League record for longest consecutive game hitting streak-44
• Modern National League Record for most consecutive game hitting streaks of 20 or more games--7

And yet, not even on the ballot for the Baseball Hall of Fame this year.

That's okay, I'm not afraid to put him in my Guy Hall of Fame.

Christopher Walken

As a general rule, most Stephen King novel-turned-movies are crap. Sure, there are some exceptions: Misery, Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, but for every one of those, there is a Lawnmower Man, Sleepwalkers and Children of the Corn 8.

The Dead Zone, however, was a better movie than it was a book. And the main reason for that was the guy who played Johnny Smith.

Fast-forward a few years.

Like most adolescent boys, I loved James Bond films. In 1985 A View to a Kill came out, and naturally, I went to see it. (mmmmmmmm...Tanya Roberts)

It was not all that great, as I recall, but I did like the guy who played Max Zorin. Hey wait a second, that's Johnny Smith from The Dead Zone.

I am, of course, talking about Christopher Walken.



Walken, plain and simple, rocks!

Reasons why he should be in the Hall of Fame:

1. He's been married to the same woman for 26 years. (A real feat in Hollywood.)
   
2. Batman Returns
3. The Deer Hunter (Oscar for best Supporting Actor)
   
4. Wayne's World 2
5. Pulp Fiction (with fellow Hall of Famer Bruce Willis)
   
6. Last Man Standing (ditto)
7. Headless Horseman in Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow.
8. Fatboy Slim's music video.
9. "Cowbell" sketch on SNL.

(I will overlook him being in the America's Sweethearts with Julia Roberts because it also had Catherine Zeta-Jones and future Hall of Famers John Cusack, Seth Green and Hank Azaria.)

Dan Marino

I'm a Steelers fan. I've always been a Steelers fan. I will die a Steelers fan. But I'm also a football fan, and with that, there comes a time in life where you have to sit back and say, "That guy is a great player, even though he wasn't a Steeler."

This is Dan Marino for me.

Dan grew up in Pittsburgh. He was and continues to be a Steelers fan. That right there is reason enough to make him a member of my Hall of Fame, but I'll give you some more reasons why he deserves to be in the Hall.

He played football and baseball in high school. He was selected to the Parade High School All America team. He was also drafted to play baseball with the Kansas City Royals in the fourth round of 1979. He decided to pass up his baseball career and play for the University of Pittsburgh.

In college he broke all kinds of NCAA records including season and career records for completions and touchdowns.

He was then drafted by the Miami Dolphins and that first season, became the first rookie QB to start in the Pro Bowl.

And that was only the beginning of his career. Here's a list of some of the NFL records still held by Dan:

Most Completions, Career: 4,967
Most Yards Passing, Career: 61,361
Most Touchdown Passes, Career: 420
Most Yards Gained, Season: 5,084 in 1984
Most Games, 400 or more Yards Passing, Career: 13
Most Games, 400 or more Yards Passing, Season: 4 in 1984
Most Games, 300 or more Yards Passing, Career: 60
Most Seasons, 3,000 or more Yards Passing: 13 (1984-92, 1994-95, 1997-98)
Most Consecutive Seasons, 3,000 or more Yards Passing: 9 (1984-92)
Most Games, Four or more Touchdown Passes, Career: 21
Most Games, Four or more Touchdown Passes, Season: 6 in 1984
Most Consecutive Games, Four or more Touchdown Passes: 4 in 1984
Most Seasons, 40 or more Touchdown Passes: 2 (1984, 1986)
Most Seasons, 20 or more Touchdown Passes: 13 (1983-92, 1994-95, 1998)
Most Consecutive Seasons, 20 or more Touchdown Passes: 10 (1983-92)

He's been married for 20 years and is the father of six kids - five natural, one adopted. For this reason, Marino was named the NFL's Man of the Year in 1999.

As if that weren't enough to make him a member of the Hall of Fame, he was also on a Simpsons episode where Homer intercepts one of his passes and Marino tells his goons, Bubba and Hacksaw, to "Get that moron!"



So this one is to you, Dan Marino. Welcome to yet another Hall of Fame.

Wile E. Coyote

I have always felt bad for Mr. Coyote. The poor guy lives out in the hot desert, walking around with bare feet, searching for a decent meal. For 56 years he's been doing this, day in & day out, while that pompous little Road Runner keeps "Beep! Beep!"-ing just to rub it in.

I mean, think about it. Imagine going to Carl's Jr. to get a Six Dollar Burger and just when you are about to eat it, it gives you a "Beep! Beep!" and runs through a tunnel that you painted on the side of a mountain only five minutes before.

For this reason, I have always wanted the Coyote to catch that "Beep!"-ing Road Runner. I think he deserves it.

Anyone who has ever watched the show should know why Wile E. Coyote belongs in the Hall of Fame, but I will give the reasons anyway:

1. He's a fanatic - Like most men, when Wile E. puts his mind to it, he will not give up on something. Guys do this in many aspects of life. Sports teams are a good example of this. Most guys will pick a team the second they are conceived, and they will stick with that team until they die. (Meanwhile, they have gone through three wives because they can't make any sort of long-term commitment.)

Driving around without directions is another example. They will drive for hours without asking somebody for directions. "I can find it on my own," you'll hear them say.

2. He uses cool gadgets - Wile E. Coyote has an array of tools and gadgets - all of which come from ACME - that he uses in his attempts to catch the stinkin' Road Runner. He's like the animal kingdom's James Bond.

3. He does his own stunts - He's been blown up multiple times. He's fallen off of many cliffs, no thanks to gravity. He's flown in jets and rockets. He has used rocket-powered roller skates.

Wile E. Coyote is truly a guy's guy....er, coyote.

Bruce Willis

Bruce Willis is the man! I remember the first time I saw him. I was thirteen at the time and there was this new TV show called "Moonlighting." David Addison was a private eye. He did things any thirteen-year-old boy would've wanted to do when he grew up. Not only that, but he had a hot co-worker. (Believe it or not, Cybill Shepherd once looked good. It was a long time before this.)

From that moment, I have been a Bruce Willis fan. I have seen almost everything he has ever starred in. Heck, I even have "The Return of Bruno" on cassette and CD.

Yep, I'm a huge fan of Bruce.

When he married the chick from One Crazy Summer (that's how I knew Demi Moore at the time) he made it easier for me to worship him.

Reasons he should be in the Hall of Fame:

1. Die Hard ("Yipee-ki-yay mother...")
2. Pulp Fiction ("Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.")
3. He was married to Demi Moore.
4. He was engaged to "Baywatch" babe Brooke Burns.

Reasons he shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame:

1. The Look Who's Talking movies.
2. He is good friends with Julia Roberts. (He was the only celebrity that attended her wedding.)

Johnny Cash

They called him "The Man in Black."

In 1997, Johnny Cash recorded his second album with Producer Rick Rubin. It was called Unchained, and it contained covers of Tom Petty, Soundgarden and Beck to name a few. Country radio stations around the country decided that they wouldn't play the music, thinking that Cash was a sell-out. Later that year, Cash won the Grammy for Best Country Album and the next day, he took out a full-page ad in Billboard Magazine with this picture, dedicated to the stations that wouldn't play him.

That, my friends, is Johnny Cash.

Reasons he should be in the Hall of Fame:

1. "I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die" has to be some of the coolest lyrics ever written.
2. He was the youngest person ever inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame.
3. He is one of the few acts that are in both the Country Music Hall of Fame and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
4. He has 130 hits on the Billboard Country Singles Charts. (He had at least two a year for 38 consecutive years.)
5. He has 48 Singles on the Billboard Hot 100 Pop Charts. (More than Michael Jackson!)
   
6. In 1969, he was selling an average of 250,00 albums per month. (More than the Beatles at the time.)
   
   

Reasons he shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame:

1. Bono idolizes him.
   

Steve McQueen

Steve McQueen was the "King of Cool." He was one of the few guys that both girls and guys liked. I mean, think about it in today's terms. Girls like Brad Pitt for his looks, but you don't hear a lot of guys raving about Troy.

On the other hand, Steve McQueen was idolized by most men and women at the time.

He starred in such guy classics as The Magnificent Seven, The Great Escape, Bullitt and Papillon, to name a few.

He was...and continues to be...the ultimate guy's guy.

Other reasons he should be in the Tayster Hall of Fame:

1. He served in the U.S. Marine Corps
2. He raced cars and motorcycles.
3. He did most of his own stunts.
4. He was a certified pilot.
5. He was trained in martial arts by Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris. In fact, Steve was a pallbearer at Bruce Lee's funeral.
6. 2005 Ford Mustang.
7. He was married to Ali MacGraw.
   

Reasons he shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame:

1. He was mentioned in an R.E.M. song. ("Electrolite")